Reflexes!

I have cat reflexes, pun intended. Others envy me. I am zen...and then I caught a bird. The little bastard was flying about outside the window, singing while I was curled up with my mistress for a snooze. Then he made a mistake - he landed on the windowsill above us. I sprang into action and like a FLASH, I was on the sill with a bird in my mouth and I ran for the living room. Dammit, the mistress is onto me. She stumbled after me and out onto the balcony where she proceeded to pry my very jaws open to release the beast of a bird! That bitch. I HAD IT! In MY MOUTH! The bird fluttered and flew straight out of my mouth away into the neighborhood. Damn. But boy was I fast this morning!

Holy Possum

Imagine my surprise when a creature just like this one turned up in MY palm tree! I just had to go check it out. I mean, who the hell did he think he was? That is MY palm tree. Yeah, my mistress doesn't really like me jumping down into it from the balcony, but I patrol it every single day from the balcony. Of course I had to go check him out. He was less than impressed. Somehow I ended up on the sidewalk below. It was the rustling of the palm tree that alerted my mistress that something was afoot...and before I knew it, the chase was on...down the stairs she came like a moose in a china shop...I better run or I'm going to get into serious trouble. Given it was dark, I had night on my side. I could easily hide out in the bushes surrounding the apartment block. Come get me, bitch...heh heh
     She gave it a good try, but I was too fast for her, and easily slipped away. I could hear her swearing and calling my name - awesome...she needs to get some of that out of her system. I think I'll just check out this courtyard right here - she can't get me in here. HA! she saw me go in under the courtyard gate and is now watching me from between the cracks of the wooden plank fence. You can't get me! You can't get me! And she's off...up the stairs again, more swearing...she doesn't seem to understand that I'm a bloody cat already, and have an incessant need to satisfy my curiosity. Up and down the stairs she went, but I was winning this particular game of hide and seek. By this point, I wasn't sure where that stupid possum was, but then when I didn't expect it, I heard him rustling above again in MY DAMN TREE! Then things got a little hairy...he began to growl and chitter at me. WTF is that noise? Can't you just meow so I can understand you? Idiot...I'm gonna kick your friggin ass, possum...just wait..
     Uh-oh, I think my mistress is onto me...I can't seem to tear my eyes away from that stupid possum, but she's getting closer. At least she doesn't have the broom this time....and then SWOOP, she got me. Dammit. The possum kept on chittering and growling at me, and at one point, I think he was mocking me. You just wait possum, your time shall come. I'll show you who owns that friggin tree...

Man She Ruins My Fun

So I was cornering this big juicy spider last night and I guess my foot slipped and I stepped on my mistress and woke her up. She was a bit disgruntled, but got up out of my way so I could get closer to said spider. I think

she thought it was just another moth...it wasn't. It was THIS guy. She kinda freaked out when she turned the light on...she paced the apartment's tiny rooms panting and mumbling oh my fucking god oh my fucking god oh my fucking god. She finally shut up but then confined me to the bathroom - what a damn insult! And what about my bloody spider??? I was not very happy to say the least. I heard some hissing, I assume it was that can she used in Alice Springs to kill all those pesky ants that did not interest me in the least - but what was she doing to my spider?? Dammit, I need to get out there!

Before long I heard her approach the door, mumbling once again - what is up with her? Then she bustled into the bathroom and FLUSHED MY SPIDER DOWN THE BLOODY TOILET!!! I tried to go after it, but it somehow looked less appealing, covered in toxic chemicals, curled up like the coward he is. Take that spider...evicted.

Tonight we saw this one outside and now she has closed all the doors and pulled down the blinds. What am I living with? I'm surrounded by cowards. I am going to have to get after that fella tomorrow, if she ever opens the door again...