Palm Tree Adventures

Yeah, that's me in the photo. When my mistress wasn't looking, I leapt into the palm tree below our balcony after some birds. Those damn birds have been asking for it for months now. I took my shot. And then I got stuck in the tree. Yeah, didn't really think that far ahead. Look, she's out on the balcony, she must have heard my landing...damn, thought I was stealthier than that. Now she is calling my name, like I don't know who I am. Is she that forgetful? Dundee! Dundee! Dundee? Blah blah blah. Now she's gone back in. I can just settle in here for awhile and keep the birds out of the tree by my very presence.
     I'm a little hungry. But I'm fiercely defending this palm tree. I'm also a little thirsty. Why did I jump down here again? Oh look, she's back. Waving her arms at me to jump into them. Sure lady. I've seen you drive. I think I'll go over here and meow at the other side of the palm tree. Hmm...no one down in those courtyards. Where did that strange he/she go? I don't know if I want to stay up here. And now my mistress has left again. She took some photos and then ran back upstairs.
     I wish I had my litterbox. I don't really want to shit in the tree. I might walk on it. But I need to shit. Maybe I can command her to bring my litter box up here. Here she comes with a floor mop, waving it in the tree. Like that's going to help. Let me check it out - yeah...try again, mistress.
     She left again. I'm going to climb around and check out this tree. She's taking photos of me now from the stairwell. I'm here to amuse...just be sure to cut me in if she sells my photo. And she's back. I'm hungry. I think I'll meow a bit to get her stirred up. Ha ha, that did it. Now she's back with a step stool. She can nearly reach me - with a ten foot pole...who is that man she is talking to? He's all dressed up like he doesn't belong - must be a property agent. He told her I'll come down eventually. Yeah, sure bud. I'm over it. Get me the hell down now.
     And now she is waving a vacuum cleaner pipe in the tree - this is a bit scary. I think I might try and jump down. Let me poke my head out through these palm fronds - oh look, there she is again. I can almost jump down on top of her head. It is a big head after all...but maybe I can jump down onto the fence. I think I'll think about it a bit longer and settle down here in the palm fronds.
     More than an hour has passed and I'm no closer to getting down from this palm tree. My mistress has given up it seems. She is pacing back and forth calling out for me, and I can't seem to tell her what I need to get down is an elevator. I don't want to jump! Damn, I'm hungry, thirsty and I need my litter box! Okay...here I go, I am going to try and jump down to the fence if she stands under me to catch me if I fall. Aaaaaannnnnnndddd....we're down. That was graceful...now bring me to my room...

Overnight Adventure

Yeah, so I scared the shit out of my mistress. And I think I was a bit scared too. She managed to lock me out on the balcony again. I don't know how she can miss me when the balcony is not much bigger than our bathtub, but somehow she managed to do it again. At first I thought it was cool - yeah, unsupervised time on the balcony! I could hang out, glaring at the birds as they tried to settle in for the night. I could curl up on her cushions and she wouldn't catch me. Nice...

11:30pm  Then it started to rain. And then the wind began to blow. Suddenly it wasn't very nice on the balcony - it turns into a wind tunnel when the storms move in. Shit. Now what? The lights are all out and she's damn well left me out here again. What was she thinking? After the last time I thought we had a bloody agreement to check for me in the house before closing the door for the night...what can you expect from a human, Canadian at that. 

So there I was, on the balcony in the rain, no one to come and rescue me, and the storm was brewing. Maybe I need to find somewhere else to be. How about I leap to that palm tree where the birds all settle. Here we go! 

12:00am   Oh shit. That was a near death experience. I jumped but not quite far enough so had to latch on to the palm fronds to slow down before I plummeted to the earth in a splat. Whew...nearly ripped my frigging claws out but I was still alive. And it was still raining. These stupid palm trees are no shelter at all! I must check out the stairwell. Which door was ours? I'll keep going until I smell my litterbox by the door. I left a few treats there earlier today. Okay, here I am, I have managed to locate the correct door, I'm nearly there. Hmmm, how do I get her to open the door? I'll paw at the mat and she will just know. Uh oh, that isn't working. And I've managed to work the mat right across the landing. Where the hell is she??? 

12:00am   Well this is still very windy and wet. Stupid outdoor doorways. No shelter from the storm here, Bob. I'll have to check out some of these courtyards, as they look to have some HOLY FREAKING SHIT HOW BIG WAS THAT RAT????? I think I'll check out the car park instead...hey, there's our car against the fence...but it is in a huge dip in the lot and a huge puddle has formed. Well that just won't work. What's over here? A car under the building with no puddles nearby. I might check that out. She will find me here, as she knows how smart I am. She should be missing me about now. We always cuddle when we first get to bed and she will surely notice when I'm not there. 

3:50am. Well that doesn't look like it's going to happen. I'd better settle in here until morning.  Surely she will miss me at sunrise  I wake her every morning on my way to the windowsill to check out the birds. 

7:02am - RRRRRAAAATTTTATTATTTTTTAAAATTTRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!! OMFG WHAT IS THAT NOISE??? The ground is trembling!!! Those stupid yellow machines on the road again, digging for something that I just can't work out yet. But that noise is too scary!!! I want my bed!!!

7:30am. Okay, now I am starting to get worried. Where in the hell is she? I am so lost. I may never eat again. The rats are going to get me for sure, they have gangs here in the city you know. I'll just strategically cower here under the car. 

8:02am - I can hear my mistress calling me! Well it is about frigging time. I'm going to punish her by not answering for awhile. 

8:15am - She has discovered I am not in the apartment. I hear her out on the balcony, calling my name in that high pitched voice I both love and hate. I know she is talking to me. Oooh, she must be in the stairwell - I can hear her bellowing for me. 

8:20am - Was that her that walked by the cars in the lot? She looked under our car, but why won't she turn around here. Doesn't matter. I'm still mad she left me out, so I'm not answering. 

8:30am - She is passing by on her second lap, calling my name. She sounds a little worried. She missed me again. You think she could smell me over here under the car. Now she's gone again. Hmmm, I hope I didn't wait too long to be found...

8:45am - Damn. She is getting ready for work and I can hear her on the phone. Now she is coming down the stairs again and walking over to the car. She's going through the fence to the alley - NOOOO! I'm OVER HERE!!! MEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!! Well that got her attention. Want some more? MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW!!!! I thnk it's time I climb down from the underside of this car and let her adore me again. 

8:50am - She grabs me with both hands, hugging me tight. I don't fight it this time. Please bring me in. I've had enough adventure for the night. I stink like motor oil, and I'm hungry. Get me my litterbox and my kangaroo food. Where's my waterbowl? Is that my bed?? Lookout here I come - yes, yes, I am very thankful so I shall allow you to hold me and I'll even throw in some purring. After all, you did eventually rescue me from the big bad outside. 

8:59am - I am left alone at last. I retire to my bed for some much needed rest. It has been quite a night.  This photo is the palm tree I leapt into from the balcony. SCARY!

Oopsy Poopsy

Well, I kind of got myself into a bit of shit last weekend when my mistress went camping for the Finke Desert Race. She foolishly though that kitty cam was going to capture all my exploits, but she didn't count on my plot to escape. I love the outdoors. I spend much of my day looking out the window at the outdoors. And when I'm not doing that, I'm thinking about going outdoors.
     There is a kitty door in the wooden inside door of her bedroom. It leads out into the courtyard with one small fly in the ointment. The cage door on the other side...I'm not quite sure the point of the kitty door is other than to torment me with the outdoors. For a long time she had the kitty door taped shut based on my behaviour. In the middle of a hot summer, I managed to get out through the kitty door to find myself wedged between two doors, and the kitty door was set on one-way only. I had fucked with it just a little too much I guess. She came home to find me panting and hot, moments from death's door I'm certain. I should dob her in to the RSPCA...but they might take me back to that awful place, so I'll bide my time. She then took the door off, but that proved to annoy her further as I became agile at flying through the door into the cage and on UP. I couldn't help it, there were moths to intimidate on the other side. And at one point, cicadas. So we ended up with the door fixed, and locked to both sides. What fun is there in that?
     Imagine my surprise when I found myself unlocking the door and crawling out to near freedom once again...but as history repeats itself only to taunt me, the door was one way again. And my mistress was out of town for the weekend. And I need to poo. Maybe I'll climb up over the door...let's start clawing and thrashing up the door to see what happens, ripping the Grateful Dead poster on the door because it's fun. Hmm, that failed. I'm still trapped between the doors. And I need to poo. Where's my litter box? Oh yeah, on the other side of the kitty door. Hmmm, what to do, what to do. Thrash again up the door, shredding what's left of the Grateful Dead...and I still need to poo. Maybe I'll just start meowing...but wait, who shall hear me? Meow, meow, meow...endless. What terrible neighbors we have. I really need to poo. Maybe I'll just have a little poo over by the edge of the door, and I can sit on the other end away from the poo. PPPPFFFFFFTTTTTTTgurgle...ooops...that's lot of poo. And it's runny...OMFG it is chasing me across the doorstep! OH GOD, I am stepping in a puddle of POO! I'd better start climbing again, through the Grateful Dead poster to the top away from the POO PUDDLE MADNESS!
     Uh-oh...I fell in the poo. Where the fuck is my mistress? MIAOWMIAOWMIAOWMIAOW!!!!
Then I hear our neighbor lady calling my mistress. She is telling her all about my meowing...she is coming to rescue me! THANK-YOU for rescuing me from the poo! I hear her coming through the gate - oh finally, I shall be delivered from the poo. Thank-you worm lady! Yeah, watch out for the poo. It's a bit of a mess actually. It's also all over the door and on the shredded bits of what is left of the Grateful Dead poster. The bucket is around the corner...I'm going to my litter box to forget this horrendous ordeal. First I have to lick off the poo. That's nasty. Hey, where are you going worm lady? Aren't you going to clean up all that poo? My mistress will not be happy to come home and step in poo. Wait, what are you doing? Are you texting her about the poo? Great, now I'm in for it. Instead of coming to lavish me with attention, hugs, rubbing, treats, whatnot, she's going to be a hollerin'...damn you kitty door. You betrayed me again.
     Miraculously my mistress comes home a day early, even if for just a short visit to pick up a few things. At least she can clean up the poo. I don't want to chance the kitty door again if the poo is still there. She tries...and gags, and gags, and gags again. She is such a drama queen. It's just a little poo. She hasn't seen what I left her in the litter box. She is unhappy about the Grateful Dead poster. But she really blows a gasket when she sees all the pooh on the door and doorframe. Yeah, about that. Do you have time to clean it all up now? I'm really over it. Apparently not as she heads out the door without a second glance. Who knows when she's coming back?
     And then the following day she did. And now she's been packing for days. I am beginning to think there is a plot afoot...stay tuned.

Kitty Cam: Lesson One

what's this? the kitty cam?

 So my mistress, dreama, decided I needed to be monitored while she travels out bush for work, or just for the hell of it. There were nearly 10,000 images to review when she returned from her recent trip to South Australia. Silly woman forgot to turn OFF the webcam when she got home, so we were subjected to several images of her changing her clothes...

This blog will be my report from the quarters to which I have been confined. I'll post some of the live webcam shots, along with other photos my mistress feels the need to bore me with. I'm awesome, so she can photograph me anytime, and just maybe after 25 takes, I might look right at her for the perfect shot. Or I might not. It really depends on my mood.

I think I might jump up there

yet another trek across the floor - where is my mistress??

something has caught my attention and I'm racing across the floor

and then I made it to the top of the bookcase

FINALLY! Where the hell have you been???

idiot forgot to turn the webcam off whilst she changed